take on me, take me on...

I (Dan) feel like I am living in a constant state of examen. It is good, I suppose, but that is just what we are supposed to say. In all honesty, I am in pain. I am remembering my pain and delving deep into what it means and where it comes from, which is good in the end. It is just that there is no resolve at the moment. No point where all is made known in that proverbial “ah-ha” moment. This week’s journaling exercises flowed from me freely in ways that previous week’s did not. This is mostly because I feel on the verge. Life beckons and the protection that this place has offered is coming to a close. Vulnerability and anxiety are driving up the lane, preparing for their visit. I do not want to be hospitable.

I think the take away from this week is that I was able, through putting fears to paper, to claim God’s promises more. I was able to shout my wants and desires to God. I was able to ask for God’s help, for clarity and a sense of purpose. While each day I feel rudderless in this sea of life, peace and direction are on their way. My hope is that when all the aforementioned visitors arrive for the party, that peace and direction have a prominent role as guests of honor.