trying to keep the blog from dying

So I am beginning to feel that our blog has become a little bit lame. Mostly because it isn't updated very often so now that we are finally settled in somewhere for the forseeable future, we'll try to be better at it.

After a year of wandering and being dependent on the hospitality and grace of others (for which we are entirely grateful), we are finally home. We moved to Chicago three weeks ago and Dan started working at the ECC denominational offices in Church Growth and Evangelism (Congregational vitality to be more precise). He loves the work and is really enjoying the opportunity he has to assist churches and to be a resources to pastors. (I really am not very good at describing what exactly he does but suffice it to say, he is happy with this call). We found an apartment and have some great neighbors and love our new neighborhood. It still doesn't quite feel like this is for real or for the long term, but I think it will just take time. Hopefully it will be sooner than later.

I'm working up in Gurnee for April and May but still on the hunt for real full time employment. This whole job search has been a source of discouragement and irritation for me throughout the past few years. Unfortunately, this discouragement doesn't generally translate to motivation for me but Dan has been great at encouraging me and providing that extra kick in the butt when I've needed it (though I haven't always wanted it).

After so long, I think we both finally feel at peace. At rest and contented with where we are. The last piece of the puzzle is that whole job thing but at least, I'm not totally unemployed. That helps. So life is pretty good right now.

And just for fun, here's a picture of us from Easter (yes, that is North Park in the background). We were invited to join the Cisneros family for their celebration and had a great time.

I want answers!

I (annie) am a bibliophile. Reading is one of my favorite things to do and has been as far back as I can remember. I can lose myself in a good story, staying up way to late just to read one more chapter. But as much as I read, not everything deeply affects or changes me. There have certainly been a few times in my life where I have come to the end of a book and have had to pause just to say "wow, that was amazing." Gone with the Wind (Margaret Mitchell), Roots (Alex Haley), East of Eden (John Steinbeck), Tess of the D'urbervilles (Thomas Hardy), and Wives and Daughters (Elizabeth Gaskell) are a few such books I have encountered in my life. Books that have made me think, made me laugh, made me swoon. Books that have changed the way I view the world and which I either have already read more than once or plan to read again. Theology, however, is one area in which my reading has left me feeling a bit incomplete.

I recently finished reading Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright. Dan had been encouraging me to read it for quite awhile before I finally got around to picking it up and now, having finished it five months later I feel as though I am a better person for it. It is a very complex book that deals with some big ideas and issues, all revolving around the idea of heaven and the hope we as christians purport to hold. I do not feel equal to the task of writing a summary of the book so I am not going to do that but I will say that I feel like I got some answers. One of his main ideas is that every good thing we do here on earth helps to build the coming kingdom of God. It matters! And not just in a "do good because Christians are supposed to do good" kind of way. In a "I am a vital member of God's kingdom and the work I do here on earth is important" kind of way. I have struggled for years with not feeling like there were real, solid reasons behind the way I was supposed to live. This gives me hope. I feel like I am a part of something larger than myself and that gives me hope. It might sound kind of silly but it makes me feel more alive, more whole, more purposeful. And so I will keep on keeping on, now with something more solid to keep me motivated.

moving

Ah, fall. A season of change and transition. More than summer or winter, fall (and spring) really have a transitory feel to them. The leaves change and eventually fall from the trees. The weather gets gradually colder (or as has been the case here in Chicago, just sort of goes up and down but mostly gets colder) and eventually the snow will start to fall, ushering in winter. And for us, it will bring other transitions. We have made the difficult decision to leave Chicago. We will be moving to Rockford (South Beloit, to be more exact) where we will stay with Dan's parents for the next month or so. This will be a time of gathering our wits, reorganizing our stuff, and saving money while continuing the job search/waiting process. We don't know exactly what will happen at the end of one or two months, but we are hoping for the best. As much as it will be hard for us to leave the city we love and people we love, we think this will be for the best. It has been very difficult to feel like our life is scattered all over the place with some stuff in one place, some in another, mail going to multiple addresses and all of this coupled with an uncertain future. Yesterday, a friend compared this move to punting which I feel is a very apt analogy. Not what you really want to do, but it is better than doing nothing. The game must go on. Just like life.

We won't be that far away and for those of you in Chicago, we are certainly up for coming back into the city to hang out. Who knows, maybe we will even come back. We'll see what happens. In the meantime, however, we will continue to wait and hope and trust God.

new

Yes, for those of you who were unsure, we are still in Chicago. We're currently living up in Roger's Park in a lovely little studio apartment that we are subleasing until the end of October. After that, well, that still remains to be seen. It has been a crazy busy summer and it feels like fall has just snuck up on us. I mean, I like fall and everything but it came awfully quickly this year. Dan worked like a maniac all summer (for which I am exceedingly grateful) and I worked as well, though not quite as much. Now I'm back to subbing, which seemed like a great idea when I decided to do it but I'm realizing I should have stayed at my old job for a few more weeks to give CPS a chance to actually get rolling so teachers could take days off and need me to take their places. Oh well...I guess you live and learn. And I have indeed learned from it.

This whole summer seems to have been a time of learning for us. Dan has learned to embrace the title of "pastor" and I've learned that I want to be a librarian. So that's what we are pursuing. And even though it has been a very long time of waiting, it hasn't been completely awful. It's been fun to get to know new parts of the city and to experience living in Chicago away from North Park. And of course, someday when we have kids, we'll be able to tell them all about our days as nomads when we are convincing them they have nothing to complain about.

And that is pretty much where we are. I'm going to try to make an effort to post more often so this blog does not go the way of our xanga and myspace sites. here's hoping!

tea for two...

Nearly two months after our last post, it seems like a good time to update again. In some ways, life has changed a lot since May. In other ways, it's pretty much the same. We are still living in Chicago but at a new location. We have been amazingly blessed by people willing to open up their homes to us as we sit at this particular juncture. That's a great thing. We are also both working, which is also great. Dan loves working at CRiCK again this summer and my job as a CNA has been going well enough.

Life is right now. It feels like we have been at a crossroads for some time now without much definite direction. It will come in time but it is increasingly difficult to continue to be patient. I think the hardest part of all of this is the lack of a definite time line. We have a tentative one planned out, but we can't hold too tightly to it because God has this funny way of changing our plans to something better.

As I look back at this post, I realize that it sounds fairly cryptic. I personally find it difficult to be concrete when so much is unknown. I told someone today that life is "okay". I think that is a good way to describe it. It is certainly not horrible but it is not the best it could be. It is okay. And that is okay for now.

recent photos

Maybe a month ago we went for a day hike to Starved Rock State Park. It was an overcast day, but some sun shone through at intermittent times. It was a great day to shoot in black and white.
Annie took the opportunity to practice her photo taking abilities. Here are some of her shots.

While it was a pretty muddy hike, we managed to stay relatively clean and mud-free. That is until the last 5 minutes of the hike when one misstep made a big difference.

All in all we had a great day at a great park. It was good for us to get some time away and have time to reflect on life and discern where we are headed next. We still do not have any details on that part and definitely post when we do.

update, finally!

wow! It's been a bit since either one of us has posted anything. some of that is due to the site being blocked by my (annie's) workplace's filter. Not sure why I can access it now, but I'm not going to argue. It might be like that period of time when I could get to facebook from work--sometimes, around one o'clock, if I was lucky. anyway, as long as I'm here, I might as use the time wisely. [I work at a school, for those of you who don't know, which is why things like facebook are blocked]

So there isn't much new going on. We're still in Chicago, living with wonderful people who were gracious enough to let us stay with them. We're following roads as they are brought to our attention but nothing has led us far enough to settle in any place yet. It's okay. It's been a time of waiting. Of learning. We know God has a place for us and that when we get there, it will be fantastic. It's simply hard to wait for it sometimes.

I am still working in Gurnee, I finished my nursing assistant class at the end of February and will be taking the state certification test in May. It was supposed to be April but there were some miscommunications and I got bumped. It is what it is, I suppose.

Otherwise, we live and enjoy each day as it comes.

no man's land

Sometimes, well probably always, it is strange to be in a place of transition and waiting. There is so much going on while nothing seems to be happening. I (annie) have started my CNA (certified nursing assistant) class and am in the process of changing over my career from teaching to nursing. Thus far, I have learned that it will be a huge lesson in empathy, in addition to all the skills and knowledge related to the practical aspects of the job. A good lesson to learn, but not always easy. I also spent a good portion of my day today sharpening pencils and grouping them in 10s (I averaged about 200 an hour). Always a good reminder why I went to college. :)

It's like we're in a sort of no-mans land. My drive to work yesterday struck me as a good metaphor for our current state. I was headed north on 94 and to the west of me was the nearly full moon. To the east you could see the sunlight beginning to peak over the horizon. It was getting lighter but the sun was not yet officially up. Day was beginning but night was not yet finished. That's how I feel right now. There are opportunities peaking over the horizon but we don't know much about them except that they exist. And there is nothing we can do to make them come faster but we are confident that something will pop over that horizon. The moon is the reminder that we aren't out of the unknown yet. It's a reminder of the darkness of not knowing.

It seemed apt and helped me to get a better handle on where we are. Waiting, praying, hoping. it's not such a bad place to be.

two trains of thought, each with its own track

It has been difficult for me (Dan) to interact with this blog for some time now. Last night I realized, at least partially, why. I have finished seminary classes, and while that should be an exciting fact I find myself not so because I am waiting for a call into ministry. I do not want to bore others with my worries or doubts or fears, so I am waiting to update until a time when I have "good news". Well, it has dawned on me that it is also good news to be able to express the not so good news as well. Instead of hiding in a bunker-like mentality, waiting for the potential bombs to be dropped on my head I can actually get out and move. I am trying this mentality. While not easy, I feel it will prove beneficial.

I (still Dan) have been reflecting a lot lately. As previously mentioned, or alluded to, I have some time. Specifically, my mind has settled on friendship. More specifically, I have been mourning the loss of past friendships. It seems that it is a rare thing to possess other human beings in your life that (a) intricately know who you are at a deep level, (b) encourage you to live into who you are, and (c) have spent enough time in your life that, if they decided to become utterly evil they could destroy every fiber of your being in 10 seconds or less. From the best I can tell, I have two of those friends in my life right now. There may be others who become those types of friends, only time will tell. We havent spent that much life together yet. It's simple logic really. But, I have also lost, at least (and probably only) one such friend. This is a frustrating thing. It makes me wish that I understood the importance of other people in your life at an earlier date in my life. Of course we can all say that. It is that same cliche of 20/20 hindsight and whatnot.

too busy being fabulous

once upon a time, there was a nice couple who had a blog. And occasionally, they updated this blog. Not as often as they probably should have (assuming, of course, that people read this), but occasionally. And today is one of those days.

Much has happened since the last time we posted anything. I know I promised pictures but those will have to wait since I (annie) am at work and do not have access to any. AT least as far as I know. I'll do a little research.

here are the top 5 things since the last time we updated:



1. Dan finished seminary!!! He officially has a Masters in Christian Formation and we are now looking for a call. I'm so proud of him!

2. Christmas. It was the first time that all of my family and their respective significant others (4 out of 5 my siblings have an "other") were together for the holiday. It was great to be able to see everyone and especially to spend time with Adam who will be deployed to either Iraq or Afghanistan next month. We also got to see Dan's family before and after Christmas, which was a nice change of pace from my parents super-crowded house. Things are much more laid back and low-key and it's a great place to relax a bit. (the hot tub also helps with that) :)

3. Dan turned 29!

4. As previously mentioned, we're looking for the next thing. I'm not going to go into much detail since we don't even have that many details ourselves, but things are sort of churning and we hope to know sooner, rather than later.

5. I think New Years is the other bigger thing. It was fun. We got to see friends from out of town, meet new people and stay up late. What more could you want??

And that is our life lately in a nutshell. Not super detailed, but it's something. And like I said, I'll do a little research to see about pictures. I might be back later today.

The weekend

Back to work and classes today. The first surprise of the day came when I (annie) got up and discovered that on the day I overslept by half an hour, it would be necessary for me to leave at least 15 minutes earlier for work. Hooray for snow! I really do love it though. What a great way to usher in December.

This past weekend was wonderful! We had a relaxing day on Thursday with our neighbors and Steve. (Pictures to follow) It was great to share ovens and cooking and conversation, as well as a delicious meal. We were really blessed. And even though Dan had to do work and I had to do errands like taking care of car stuff and grocery shopping, it was wonderful weekend! We slept in, exercised, decorated the house for Christmas and watched football. I really felt relaxed and loved the time we got to spend with each other. And now I feel ready to work 3 more weeks before Christmas....let's hope that stays with me!

what the world needs now

So maybe we should work on posting more than once a month but maybe it's okay that it has been awhile. Anyway. Life has been full. I think I'm going to start trying to move away from using the word busy because it feels like it leaves very little room for adjustment in life. We are continuing to look for jobs and for where we will settle for the next 3-5 years. It's tempting to try to think longer term, like the next 10 or 20 years but that only makes things more complicated. So we are trying to focus on the not-quite-so-distant future. It is a hard road on which to keep moving. It's easy to get stuck in the mire of doubts, questions, and unsureness or to be waylaid by life as it is right now.

We have, however, had time to experience some wonderful things. Dan and I went to see Over the Rhine and Martin Sexton in the same week. Both were wonderful! I had never heard Over the Rhine so it was all new to me but I really enjoyed myself. Something about their music touched me deeply--it was almost like a healing for my heart. Martin Sexton I had heard before but I really wasn't that much a fan of his music--at least until I heard him in person on Friday. That was amazing! It is crazy that he is so talented! Of course, it probably helped that we were approximately 5 people-rows (we stood) back from the stage. What an experience!

Otherwise, we live. We go to work, classes, do homework, and spend time with people (as much as we can). Life is not bad. Just unsure.

take on me, take me on...

I (Dan) feel like I am living in a constant state of examen. It is good, I suppose, but that is just what we are supposed to say. In all honesty, I am in pain. I am remembering my pain and delving deep into what it means and where it comes from, which is good in the end. It is just that there is no resolve at the moment. No point where all is made known in that proverbial “ah-ha” moment. This week’s journaling exercises flowed from me freely in ways that previous week’s did not. This is mostly because I feel on the verge. Life beckons and the protection that this place has offered is coming to a close. Vulnerability and anxiety are driving up the lane, preparing for their visit. I do not want to be hospitable.

I think the take away from this week is that I was able, through putting fears to paper, to claim God’s promises more. I was able to shout my wants and desires to God. I was able to ask for God’s help, for clarity and a sense of purpose. While each day I feel rudderless in this sea of life, peace and direction are on their way. My hope is that when all the aforementioned visitors arrive for the party, that peace and direction have a prominent role as guests of honor.

recent shots

A nice night-time Wrigley Building view.



Fun while on Wendella Boat trip

Does something seem strange?

can it be true?

Sports Illustrated's Gary Smith, a longtime writer for the mag and known for his ability to effectively chronicle the life and times in the United States of America, recently spent some time in Chicago and with the Chicago Cubs. The Tribune interviewed him. As a life-long fan of the Cubs, I (Dan) was interested to hear what this man had to say.

Here is a exerpt:

"To me, life is all about living it with full passion and zest and with arms wide open. At the same time, understand on one level the meaningless of it, and on the other level, living like it means everything. In a way, that's what sports is all about. Cub fans, to me, have grasped that more than most fan bases. They are totally into it and have invested so much of themselves into it. But they also understand on some level the absurdity of it all. There's a sweet metaphor about life there and how you approach life, and if you could live with the contradiction, live with the paradox."

I like it. Go Cubs.

you say potato, i say you're right

its official, the chicago nighttime skyline is just pretty.

 

being for the benefit of mr. kite

Just a brief update on our life. We've now been back in Chicago for a little over a month and at school and work for a month. It's fall now (hooray!) officially, even though the weather does not give a good testament to that fact. Work has been pretty good for me (anne), though busier than I would like. (I'm a building sub at a high school--for those of you who don't know) I think 4 or 5 classes each day is a great number. Lately I've been doing 7 (with one period for lunch). It kind of helps the day go faster but I would prefer a little more downtime. Oh well. Lots of variety though. I think I've been in every department in the building at least once--except technology and industrial arts--since I've been back this year. Always lovely.

Classes are going well for Dan. He is getting settled into more of a routine with classes, homework, and work and likes what he is learning. He's also been working quite a bit at Chicago River Canoe and Kayak on the weekends, which he has really enjoyed.

Of course, not all weekends have been working weekends. Two weekends ago, we headed up to the Twin Cities because my sister Laura was getting married. A weekend full of festivities, fun, putzy little details and time spent with family and friends ensued. The ceremony was really nice and emotional, albeit a bit too long for my taste. This was probably exacerbated by the fact that I was standing up front, trying not to lock my knees, get dizzy, or fidget too much. We also got to take a detour on the way back through Ripon, WI to drop my other sister, Sharon, back off at college. (she attends Ripon College) It was a fun drive, very pretty and it was neat to see her dorm room and campus.

Otherwise, not much eventful going on. We made it for the Wendella boat tour last weekend...always a good time. Some lovely friends are staying with us the second half of the week and we're hoping to go apple picking on Saturday. Pie, anyone?

Life's been pretty good. We still want to know what is next for us but that will come. And so will pictures of recent events as soon as I'm not at work, or Dan has time to post some. Oh the anticipation!

rich or middle class?

A recent column in Newsweek by Dan Gross brought the issue of what exactly constitutes "middle class" into the idea marketplace. According to Gross, "On Wednesday afternoon, CNBC's unscientific online poll found that (surprise!) only 35 percent of respondents believed an income of $250,000 qualified a household for elite rich status." What I found most interesting about this column, aside from the statistics about the national median income in the U.S. ($50,223 in 2007) and the median income in the richest town in the country, New Canaan, Conn. ($231,138--still less than the aforementioned $250,000 "rich cutoff"), is the idea that "people rate their well-being not so much based on how much they make and consume, but on how much they make and consume compared to their neighbors"

How much do we do that? How much do we compare ourselves to others around us and determine how well we are doing based on how well they are doing? I confess, I find myself doing this more often than I (anne) would like to admit. It sometimes doesn't seem like it's enough to just be able to pay the bills, get the necessities, and still have a little leftover for fun and saving. Sometimes it seems like we should be able to do and have everything that everyone else has as well. But when I do focus on what we have and not on what others have, I have no choice but to conclude that we're doing okay.

Quick parenthetical: When you read this column (and I encourage you to do so), check out some of the comments by other readers. It made me both disgusted at the attitudes held by some people in this country and curious to meet them at the same time.

teachers with guns

Well, as promised, here are some conclusions I (anne marie) have reached after reading the aforeposted article.

As wild as it may sound, I think that the school administrators may have come up with a good solution. It definitely could contribute to creating an atmosphere where students may be deterred from a particular action because of the uncertainty surrounding which of their teachers may be carrying a concealed weapon. I know that I personally would take that into consideration if I were thinking about doing something where a teacher carrying a gun might interfere with my plans.

I think this plan was well-thought out and planned with all the training and testing required of the teachers interested in carrying a weapon.

I do not, however, think it is a solution for every school or school district. This plan was chosen for this particular school a lot due to its location and distance from the sherriff's department. In my time in schools of varying types and locations, I have found that metal detectors often work very well (though they are not a fail-safe solution) as well as cameras and security guards. Though no school security plan is 100% foolproof, I think this school has chosen the one that works the best for them. And more power to them for doing it. I think more schools and districts should spend as much time trying to find the best solution instead the easiest and cheapest.

And as my good friend Forrest always says, that's all I got to say about that.

I found this article on MSN today and found it interesting.

AUSTIN, Texas - Along with normal first-day jitters and excitement, students in this tiny district started school Monday wondering which teachers might be toting firearms.
"It was kind of awkward knowing that some teachers were carrying guns," said Adam Lira, 17, a senior. "I don't feel like they should be, 'cause we already have locked doors and cameras. But I didn't feel threatened by it."

Several parents said they had no idea that employees of the K-12 school were allowed to carry concealed guns on campus until recent publicity about the school board's policy, approved quietly last fall. They said they were upset that the rural community near the Oklahoma border had not been able to give input.

While some parents said they felt their children were safer, others opposed the plan, which appears to be the first of its kind nationwide. "As far as I'm concerned, teachers were trained to educate my children — not carry a gun. Even police officers need years of training in hostage situations," said Traci McKay, whose three children are among the 110 students in the red-brick Harrold school. "I don't want my child looking over her shoulder wondering who's carrying a gun."

But Harrold Superintendent David Thweatt said the board approved the policy in an October open meeting that had been publicized. He said the decision was made after nearly two years of researching the best school security options at the school, which is just off a busy highway and 30 minutes away from the sheriff's office. "When you outlaw guns in a certain area, the only people who follow that are law-abiding citizens, and everybody else ignores it," Thweatt said.

The superintendent said some of the school's 50 employees are carrying weapons, but he wouldn't say how many. When pressed further, he first said that revealing that number might jeopardize school security. He then added that he considered it to be personnel information and not a matter of public record.

Each employee who wants to carry a weapon first must be approved by the board based on his or her personality and reaction to a crisis, Thweatt said. In addition to training required for a state concealed weapons license, they also must be trained to handle crisis intervention and hostage situations.

State education officials said they did not know of any other Texas schools allowing teachers to carry guns. National security experts and the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence said they did not know of other U.S. schools with such a policy.

School districts in some states, including Florida and Arizona, have closed loopholes that allowed guns on K-12 campuses. Utah allows concealed weapons at public universities but not at primary or secondary schools.

Thweatt said the board took extra precautions, such as requiring employees to use bullets that will minimize the risk of ricochet, similar to those used by air marshals on planes.
"I can lead them from a fire, tornado and toxic spill; we have plans in place for that. I cannot lead them from an active shooter," Thweatt said. "There are people who are going to think this is extreme, but it's easy to defend."

Judy Priz, who has a third-grade daughter, said that "everyone I've talked to thinks it's great." She said she trusts the teachers with her child's life.
"Look how long it takes the police or anybody else to get here," she told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram for a story in its Monday online edition. "If someone wants to come here and harm someone, at least we would have sort of defense."

Gov. Rick Perry has said he supports the policy because "there's a lot of incidents where that would have saved a number of lives."

The Brady Center has spoken out against the plan, saying it may not comply with Texas law, which bans firearms at schools unless carriers have given written permission. If the school board authorizes an employee to carry a gun, then that person must be a peace officer, according to the center.

"It's unfair of us to ask teachers to take on the additional job of being police officers," said Paul Helmke, president of the Brady Campaign.

Cheryl Mehl, an attorney for the Harrold school district, said the statute the Brady Center cites applies only to security guards, not teachers and other employees. The district has no security guards.

I'm not sure as of right now where I stand in terms of agreeing or disagreeing with the plan put in place by this school but I will try to weigh in once I have pondered more. Your thoughts?